I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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