I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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