I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dual....:-)
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
