Don't make out with my wife yet
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
