cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
