You just made me feel so damn special
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
