I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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