bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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