dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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