Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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