i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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