Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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