I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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