Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
