I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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