THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Randomize
