if you like me you must not know who I am
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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