I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
