I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
