Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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