I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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