yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i permit you to call me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
