Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
