Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
