Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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