I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
