I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
