1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
