I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
