eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
