I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize