I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
