I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
