last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
