Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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