I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
