I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
