new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We just shotgunned beers for America
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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