The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
pray to the hookup gods
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
