man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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