she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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