Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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