my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
