i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
