You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
