Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
