i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
