I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
