My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
