That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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