Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
