38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
