I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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