My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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