you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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